Opinion
Can Family and Friends with Opposing Political Views Have Relationships that Survive Post-Election?
ORLANDO, Fla (FNN NEWS) – Discussions about politics have been known to be taboo for friends and family since the dawn of time. This past election cycle saw an uprising of sorts for many people who felt our country was in disarray while others felt we were headed in the right direction with the election of President Trump. Whether the discussion was immigration, our nation’s debt or even health care, they all became heavily debatable issues.
While politics has always been a topic you stay clear of on holiday gatherings with family, this past election cycle we saw a more visible descent and some relationships simply didn’t survive. In this review I’ll explore some specific examples readers shared and some suggestions on how to decide if a relationship is worth recovering from when politics divide us at the core.
Emily Goldie, a Trump supporter, suggested, “Yes I had a friend who I was close with at work. She un-friended ALL fellow employees who voted for Trump and said if you voted for Trump you are a racist.” Seriously, why is it so many think if you voted for Trump you are a racist or a bigot? It couldn’t be further from the truth. Goldie continued, “My dating life has taken a hit as well. I had a guy consistently nag me on why I voted for Trump. He was a Democrat. I finally had to break up with him because I couldn’t take it. To me it was disrespectful and I finally said enough.”
Goldie brings up an interesting point … just how important are politics to relationships, especially new ones? Overall, I found more women concerned with losing friends than men. Many men felt like David Burr: “I have lost several friends, including family. Once they attack I kick them to the curb. Not enough space in my life for ugliness.” For the most part, I tend to agree with Burr’s assessment. Life is far too short to engage with those who can’t find middle ground and be more understanding of different views.
THE POLITICAL CULTURAL ADJUSTMENT CYCLE
In years past, while there can only be one winner, most relationships recover and survive the divide and polarization of elections. While the lead-in to a Presidential election can be filled with ups and downs, last year certainly showed us it’s not just the victory that matters, but what that victory means … literally.
The current political adjustment cycle from the 2016 elections is anything but traditional. Diagram by Randy Ross for Florida National News.
One source, who chose to remain anonymous, noted: “My brother and I stopped talking mid-2016 due to opposing political views. He was for Bernie, then transferred to Hillary. In an effort to save our sibling relationship I asked to see him. He politely declined to have coffee or lunch or anything with me when I went to DC for the Inauguration, even though I offered to drive out of my way to see him.” The source continued that because this was her only sibling and their parents had passed, “We started talking again in mid-March of this year. Additionally, I unfriended multiple Facebook friends on Nov 9 when they started posting nasty things on my Facebook wall. Haven’t regretted unfriending them for a second!”
Kathryn Gates-Skipper told FNN News, “Yes, it has affected me dearly…for instance, fighting among friends and family. Politicians will come and go, but your friends and family are supposed to always be there.” It was a common theme among the nearly 100 responses I received regarding the feelings people had for the loss of friends or family members during the last election cycle. Skipper, former Florida Veterans Chair for Trump and newly appointed board member of the Orange County Trump Republican Club and duly for the Florida Chapter of America First United, continued, “No one person can please everyone. But how a person handles the situation shows a person’s true character. I hate seeing friends and people not accepting the truth and reality that Trump is now our President. They act like spoiled brats.”
Skipper’s comments remind me of how intense the election process was, yet it’s the post-election rejection of the results that surprises many even more. “The left has become intolerant. That is part of the philosophical difference,” said Linda Rodgers Gilliland. “We weren’t intolerant when Obama won twice. Mostly it is the 24 hour news cycle that has to create drama so people continue to watch, mostly owned by liberals. I think it is dangerous.”
IS SOCIAL MEDIA TO BLAME?
One thing is for sure: social media, and specifically Facebook, have given family and friends–and total strangers for that matter–a new way to counteract opinions. In 2012 we saw just the tip of the iceberg as people began to test the waters on this new form of social interaction, Facebook. At this time there are no laws that prohibit what’s literally become a free-for-all regarding free speech on social media. Unlike other social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram, Facebook seems to be the current keyboard warrior stomping grounds.
A Hillary supporter who asked to not be mentioned by name recalled, “I supported Hillary Clinton. I was constantly attacked when I went to comment on FOX News or other news Facebook pages. I never believed she was a crook and the Trump people just made me feel that my opinion didn’t matter.”
One source suggested the liberal left are being overly sensitive. “We [Republicans] sure would not be acting like a bunch of crybabies if Hillary had won. We would have gotten over it and gone back to work. We would be upset, but we would not be acting like snowflakes.” (“Snowflakes” referring to some that seemed overly emotional regarding the results of the election, quickly melting when touching the heated ground of reality.)
Sean D. Hartman said, “My closest friends in politics have always been the ones I’ve had the staunchest disagreements with.” Well, Sean, you’ll have to tell us all your secret on how you maintained those friendships in the darkest of discussions.
“Randy, I have often thought of calling you over this same issue. I live with a man that is a diehard liberal. He watches MSNBC all day long. He would not let me put my Trump sign in the yard so I had to display my yard sign in my car which really pissed me off,” said a second anonymous source. “He has made comments about President Trump constantly, saying he was joking. Well, I wasn’t laughing. We have almost called it a day over this. It has been abusive to some degree and I love being around the Trumpers, for they validate my feelings.”
My suggestion, and no, I’m not a relationship expert, but get out now. “You in danger, girl.”
Maggie DeGennaro revealed that she lost two friends when she welcomed the new President the day after the elections. “Two ladies blocked me not knowing what party affiliation I was. I never talk about who I voted for, as in business you have to serve all people regardless of their political party. It was extremely painful, as I knew them a long time. To this day they will not talk to me.”
I’ve observed DeGennaro on social media for a few years. You couldn’t ask for a more positive and lifting soul.
HOLD ON TO YOUR ROOTS
The sad reality is something about this past election cycle isn’t letting many flow naturally through a traditional recovery cycle. Those that support our President support him more than ever. Those that don’t seemingly want nothing short of President Trump being impeached, most not even knowing the terms and conditions required for the action to even be considered. And with that level of division, it certainly appears we’re in for a rough next few years. Maryann Pistilli, a Republican from Volusia County and staunch Trump supporter who knocked on over 28,000 doors during this last presidential election, had a more tolerant view of things. “At the end of the day, we are all Americans. Great men and women died for our freedom. In order to prevail in this country, we must unite, for it is the only way.”
If it were only this easy.
There is a need for patience and understanding, but there’s also a need for a reality check. If you lose a friend or family member over politics, recognize there will be a grieving period, a sadness that is actually normal during any life changing adjustment cycle. There will be denial. There will be anger. And if you’re lucky there will be forgiveness, respect and understanding. “Don’t rehash the past. Welcome new Trump supporters without rubbing it in their faces, and discuss the present and future solutions,” says Susan Lynn Smith, a Trump supporter.
What we can’t do is suppress our convictions because of those that disagree with us. I too have lost friends over politics–many actually. I think what often occurs is we unite over a common goal, not realizing that at the core there may not be much you have in common. Michael Benitez Flores said, “I think people shouldn’t push their views onto others. You have a political, religious or otherwise agenda, it just needs [to be] kept to yourself. Too much backstabbing and not enough ‘Aloha, here we are’.” What we must do is simply dissect the value of our relationships and whether we’re willing to do the “research” necessary to maintain them. In politics, sometimes the answer is no.
Roy Biancalana suggested we might need to consider keeping a lighthearted approach to our political views versus the aggressive passion seen often on both sides. “If you are attached to your thoughts [political positions], drama will ensue,” he said. “If you hold them lightly and not make them part of your identity, then you won’t be bothered by an opposing point of view, and thus there won’t be any issue at all living with or relating to a person who sees the world differently. In fact, you might actually learn something.”
Learn something… now wouldn’t that be a nice compromise? Rebecca Rose, a conservative, suggested we can learn from each other as well. “I’ve found that some liberals I’m very close to have no clue about the facts and are open and shocked when I inform them.” This too a reoccurring theme where the media seems to influence many into opinions that aren’t rooted in the truth.
From the many responses I received, the ones that seemed most concerning were when family was divided because of the election results. Tim Thomas lost a family member through the process. “My cousin deleted me from Facebook, blocked me and has cut off all contact because I made a disparaging comment on Facebook on Inauguration Day related to protesters blocking access to members of the military. My son asked him about it, and he told my son to ‘F*** off!’ I’m pretty sure he was just channeling his anger over the election at me, but [it’s] still sad that for some, opposing viewpoints is forbidden.”
What we often realize, whether with family or friends, we really didn’t or don’t know some of the people we debate. We don’t know what makes them tick or where they stand. Not until something life-changing, like a presidential election, enters into the equation.
Remember it was the great Madea that said, “Some people come into your life for a reason. Some for a season. Some people, like leaves that drop in the fall, aren’t meant to be in your life forever. Search for those that are the roots that make the tree grow.” And you know what? I get that. Like my mom (Betty Parker Ross) has always told me, “Randy, you can count true friends on one hand.” And when we self-evaluate, we all have a handful of “roots” that will be there no matter what nuturing us and there for you through all the storms of life. There even after the results of an election.
Opinion
Commentary: Civility as Moral Power: What Gandhi Gave King — and What King Gave America and the World
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. did not merely change laws. He changed the moral tone of a nation.
At a time when America was convulsed by racism, violence, and injustice, Dr. King chose a path many dismissed as weak or naïve: civility, nonviolence, and disciplined love. History proved otherwise. In King’s hands, civility was neither politeness nor passivity. It was moral power.
That power did not arise in isolation. King drew deeply from the life and philosophy of Mahatma Gandhi. While studying theology and social ethics, he encountered Gandhi’s doctrine of satyagraha — the “force of truth.” What struck King most was Gandhi’s insistence that injustice must be resisted, but never with methods that corrupt the soul or mirror the cruelty of the oppressor. King later called Gandhi “the guiding light of our technique of nonviolent social change.”
From India’s struggle against British colonialism to America’s fight against segregation, the moral logic was the same: suffering willingly endured, without hatred or retaliation, can awaken the conscience of a nation. Nonviolence was not weakness; it was moral jiu-jitsu — exposing injustice by refusing to cooperate with it, while refusing to become it.
For King, civility did not mean silence in the face of injustice. In his Letter from Birmingham Jail, he made clear that unjust laws must be broken — openly, lovingly, and with a willingness to accept the penalty. Like Gandhi, King rejected both cowardly submission and violent revolt. His method of nonviolent civil disobedience was precise and intentional: it disrupted injustice while preserving the moral legitimacy of the movement.
This moral lineage from Gandhi to King remains one of the most remarkable transmissions of ethical philosophy in modern history. Different cultures. Different continents. One moral grammar. Both men believed that love is a social force, not merely a private virtue; that hatred multiplies hatred; and that the means we use to pursue justice shape the society we ultimately create.
When children were attacked by fire hoses in Birmingham and peaceful marchers were beaten on the Edmund Pettus Bridge, it was not rage that moved the conscience of the nation. It was the devastating contrast between the dignity of the protesters and the brutality of their oppressors. Civility gave the movement credibility. Nonviolence gave it legitimacy. Moral discipline gave it victory.
Neither Gandhi nor King was “nice” in the shallow sense. Both condemned injustice relentlessly. Both disrupted the comfort of the powerful. Yet neither surrendered to cruelty or dehumanization. They understood a hard truth: a movement that loses its soul cannot save a society.
Today, in an age of outrage, humiliation, and political tribalism, their shared example speaks with renewed urgency. We cancel rather than persuade. We humiliate rather than debate. We dehumanize rather than disagree — and we call it authenticity.
Gandhi and King would have rejected this moral downgrade.
They would remind us:
That cruelty is not courage.
That rage is not righteousness.
That humiliation is not justice.
Gandhi lit the torch. King carried it across an ocean. Now it rests in our hands.
To honor them is not merely to quote them once a year. It is to practice what they practiced: to resist injustice without surrendering our humanity, to speak with moral clarity without moral cruelty, and to pursue change without poisoning the future with hatred.
Their revolution was not only political.
It was moral.
And it remains ours.
Hon. Rick Singh is a former Orange County property appraiser and a civic leader in Central Florida. He writes on ethics, public service, and democratic culture.
